watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
