return my video game
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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