A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my shit smells like andre
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
