I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
