I need help removing her.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
