So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your penis caused this!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
