Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
