Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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