New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
