I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
