I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
