and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
