FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
