Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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