Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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