My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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