Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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