i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
