Kiss
Puke
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
