i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
