Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
