New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't think brook has ever known best
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
