So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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