Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
