why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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