if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
