why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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