There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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