New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
