the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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