Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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