bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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