you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
