High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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