could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
