and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
