I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
