I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
