He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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