It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
