I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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