I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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