big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
