Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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