Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
