i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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