Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
