a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
