my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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