i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I want is dick and wine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
