i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
