i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
