bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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