I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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