i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
