Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
