is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
