If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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